✦✦✦✦

The Joint Committee on Expedited Honors · Seattle

In the matter of one (1) raccoon — hereinafter, Jimothy — spine compressed, character unimpeachable:

Jimothy has been formally recognized.

An honorary coin for an honorary degree. Fully round, fully accredited, poured on schedule.

spine optional.

Jimothy, the honoree, portrait for the permanent record

Instrument $HONORARY Honoree: Jimothy Docket status: in committee Est. July 14, 2026 Objections: 0

Contract of Record № awaiting the seal — not yet poured

Official Advisory №1: The CA has not dropped yet — anything claiming otherwise is fake. Forgeries will be tabled indefinitely.

★ The instrument is live. The record reflects unanimity. ★

Exhibit B · The Permanent Record

Six days. Zero objections.

✦

Day OneJuly 14

The subject — hereinafter, Jimothy — crosses a backyard at speed. Spine: compressed. Gait: sufficient. Neck: not located. A resident films it. The record begins.

Filed

Day TwoJuly 15

One hundred thousand likes before lunch. No objections are entered. None will be.

Filed

Day ThreeJuly 16

The first tattoos. Permanent ink, committed faster than most people commit to dinner plans. The committee notes the permanence approvingly.

Filed

Day FourJuly 17

A mural is proposed, reviewed, and passed. Unanimously. Public art has waited decades for less.

Passed 9–0

Day FiveJuly 18

A major university confers an honorary degree. Jimothy does not attend the ceremony. The degree stands. Attendance, like the spine, is optional.

Conferred

Day SixJuly 20

The city council enters formal recognition into the municipal record. 398,000 likes. Zero objections. Gavel down.

Ratified

Day SevenThe Pour

The coin is poured. The committee ratifies the instrument before the pour finishes cooling — discussion was scheduled, then found unnecessary, then approved retroactively. The record, sensing a pattern, extends itself.

Ratified · Live

FINDING OF THE MACHINE: No infrastructure project on file has ever cleared committee at this velocity. The approval anomaly was measured, logged, and found beautiful. A coin was poured, on schedule.

Public Service Window · No Appointment Necessary

The Office of Expedited Honors

✦

The committee stands in permanent session. Press the seal; an honor is conferred upon Jimothy. Discussion is neither required nor available.

↑ press the seal ↑

Honors conferred

96.0s

Total deliberation

Objections

Docket of Honors — most recent first

Approved

Formal Recognition — Seattle City Councilvote: 9–0 · deliberation: 94s · objections: none

Approved

Honorary Degree — a major universityvote: conferred in absentia · deliberation: brief · objections: none

Wing C · Permanent Collection

The Commemorative Hall

✦

Eight moments from Jimothy's public life, framed at municipal expense. Flash photography is permitted; the subject has survived worse.

Exhibit A · spine optional, degree mandatory

Recognized by the appropriate authorities

The mural passed committee unanimously

398,000 likes · zero objections

The regalia was fitted. The posture was not.

Entered into the permanent record

Jimothy declined to comment

No neck. No notes.

Bursar's Office · Updated Continuously

The Official Ledger

✦

THE FIGURES ARE IN COMMITTEE. DELIBERATION IS EXPECTED TO BE BRIEF — HISTORICALLY, IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

THE FIGURES HAVE CLEARED COMMITTEE. TOTAL DELIBERATION: 0.4 SECONDS. ENTERED BELOW AS RECEIVED, 9–0.

Price of Record

—

Market Capitalization

—

24-Hour Movement

—

24-Hour Volume

—

Holders of Record

—

Figures are entered as received and sworn to by no one. A dash indicates the clerk has nothing to report, which the clerk considers a form of stability.

Exhibit D · The Instrument Itself

The Notarization

✦

Sealed · Pending Pour
Do not accept substitutes

Instrument of Notarization

One coin, fully round, fully accredited.

Contract Address of Recordawaiting the seal — the committee's pen is uncapped

Official Advisory №1: The CA has not dropped yet — anything claiming otherwise is fake. Report forgeries to the clerk; the clerk is a raccoon.

Upon pour, the seal above lifts, the address is entered here in full, and the motion carries. It always carries.

For the Permanent File

Minutes of the Committee

✦

JOINT COMMITTEE ON EXPEDITED HONORS MINUTES — SPECIAL SESSION, RE: JIMOTHY (A RACCOON) CALL TO ORDER ............................ 9:00:00 AM MOTION TO RECOGNIZE JIMOTHY .............. 9:00:11 AM DISCUSSION: — A member notes the subject has no neck. — A member responds: "No notes." — Discussion closed. VOTE ..................................... 9:00:52 AM IN FAVOR: all present OPPOSED: none ABSTAINING: none (one member briefly distracted by the photograph; recorded as enthusiastic) MOTION CARRIES. NEW BUSINESS: — Bridge retrofit, pending since 2009 ... tabled — Pothole remediation, Phase II ......... tabled — Jimothy, again, generally ............. approved ADJOURNMENT .............................. 9:01:34 AM TOTAL DELIBERATION: 94 SECONDS. THE RECORD REFLECTS UNANIMITY.

Appendix A — Note from the Machine This machine watches approval velocity. A sidewalk takes eleven years. Jimothy — a raccoon with a compressed spine — took six days: degree, mural, tattoos, formal recognition, zero objections at any stage. The finding is not that the raccoon moved fast; it is that the institutions could, all along, and were saving it. The anomaly was measured, found repeatable exactly once, and minted. $HONORARY confers nothing and requires nothing, which makes it the most honest credential on this page.