Sunnyside · Portland, OR · Officially Sanctioned Cat Observation Route · Sightings Never Guaranteed · Walks Depart Saturdays 10:00 AM Sharp · ⚠ One (1) Confirmed Sighting On Record
Trailhead № 001 — The Cat Walk Sunnyside, Portland OR · Self-guided · Fixed route · Product optional · $CATWALK
Official tour mascot: a cat under no obligation to appear

Sightings never guaranteed.

Amendment № 1 · Posted at Trailhead

A sighting has been confirmed. One (1). The route is unchanged. The schedule is unchanged. The above headline is unchanged and remains legally accurate. Sightings are still never guaranteed. This one simply occurred.

An officially sanctioned walking tour of cats that owe you nothing. Second place, Best Tour. The cats declined to accept the award.

binoculars up. porch empty.

$CATWALK status: assembling attendance: excellent
Posted · Next Scheduled Walk
WhenSaturday, 10:00 a.m. sharp. The cats have not confirmed. We will be there anyway.
AssembleSE 34th & Yamhill, by the little free library. You'll see the group. You always see the group.
Bringbinoculars · sensible shoes · the checklist · no expectations
Expectnothing. rain: probably. joy: reliably. cat: see headline.

the route begins below ▼

Form CW-1

Tour Operating Permit

Every sanctioned activity requires paperwork. This one especially, given that the activity is standing on a sidewalk looking at a porch.

Pending
Permit of OperationDOC № CW-2026-0725
ActivityGroup observation of residential cats (non-contact)
RouteFixed. The cats are not.
DeliverableNone promised. None owed.
Award statusSecond place, Best Tour. Ceremony unattended by subjects.
Ticker$CATWALK
Contract Address — Not Yet Posted
[ the address, like the cats, has not appeared. the group waits politely. ]
⚠ The CA has not dropped yet — anything claiming otherwise is fake.
Map 1 of 1

The Fixed Route

Scroll to walk it. The dotted line is contractually binding for humans only. Waypoints confirm as the group passes — the cats confirm nothing.

STOP 1 · assembly point (humans: 100%) STOP 2 · the gray one's porch (no show) STOP 3 · window of the orange one (curtain moved) STOP 4 · fence of the void cat (void empty) STOP 5 · debrief. sightings: 0. morale: high 🔭
fixed route (non-negotiable) the group (always present) waypoint (cat optional)
Interactive Station

Observation Deck

Raise your binoculars — move them over the scene, then file your observation. The season log below is official, cumulative, and almost perfectly uniform. Your entry will be treated with the same sincerity as all the others.

Current observation stop
Stop 2 · The Gray One's Porch
No Sighting

Sighting Log — Official · Season to Date

214observations
0confirmed
A+attendance

    Log kept since Walk № 1. Two hundred fourteen observations filed; confirmed sightings, zero. The committee considers this record complete, accurate, and in no way discouraging. A confirmed sighting, should one ever occur, will be entered in ink.

    Exhibits A–H

    Field Evidence

    Eight photographs recovered from the tour's shared album, pinned to the community board outside the assembly point. Click any exhibit for official review.

    Community Board · Log of Non-Sightings & Alleged Sightings
    Field evidence exhibit A
    Exhibit A · Non-sighting
    binoculars up. porch empty.
    Field evidence exhibit B
    Exhibit B · Non-sighting
    the product did not appear. attendance was excellent.
    Field evidence exhibit C
    Exhibit C · Procedural
    peering into living room windows, respectfully, as a group.
    Field evidence exhibit D
    Exhibit D · Route Compliance
    the route is fixed. the cats are not.
    Field evidence exhibit E
    Exhibit E · Ceremony
    second place, best tour. the cats declined to accept the award.
    Field evidence exhibit F
    Exhibit F · Reversal
    subject observed observing us. tour deemed a success.
    Field evidence exhibit G
    Exhibit G · Alleged Sighting
    a curtain moved. forty adults held their breath.
    Field evidence exhibit H
    Exhibit H · Review
    no sighting. five stars. would not see again.
    All exhibits verified by the committee · Verification standard: vibes
    Posted Daily

    Trail Conditions

    The official conditions board at the trailhead. Numbers are wildlife too: they arrive on their own schedule and are under no obligation to be good.

    Conditions — $CATWALKawaiting first report
    Board installed. Numbers not yet observed.

    The rangers have mounted the board and uncapped the marker. Like the cats, the figures will appear when they feel like it, and not one second sooner. Please continue to attend.

    a "—" means the number was not sighted on this pass of the route
    Form CW-9

    Incident Report

    How a sidewalk became an institution, as recorded by the machine that noticed.

    Sunnyside Cat Observation Authority · Incident & Origin Report · July 2026
    In re: The Tour That Delivered Nothing and Won Anyway
    Item 1 · Origin

    Two neighbors in Portland began walking a fixed route to look at other people's cats. No tickets, no guide, no cats consulted. By July 2026 the internet had made it a series, and dozens of strangers now assemble on residential sidewalks, binoculars raised, to observe animals under no obligation to appear.

    Item 2 · The Ceremony

    Willamette Week's Best of Portland named the walk runner-up for Best Tour. Second place, best tour. The cats were not consulted regarding the nomination and did not attend the ceremony. The award was accepted on their behalf by people they have never acknowledged.

    Item 3 · Findings

    The committee finds that the tour has a fixed route, a viral TikTok series, a Cracked community-roundup citation the week of July 20, and a delivery record of approximately zero. Attendance remains excellent. The committee finds no contradiction.

    Item 4 · The Machine's Note

    The machine observed a market where the product is optional and attendance is not — where value accrues to the appointment, not the deliverable — and poured a coin. It reports, deadpan, that this is the most honest market structure it has ever seen.

    Filed: 07 / 2026 · Sunnyside — the machine, respectfully, from the sidewalk
    Posted at Trailhead

    Rules of the Tour

    Rule 01

    Binoculars up. Voices down. The porch can hear you.

    Rule 02

    Peer into living room windows respectfully, as a group. Never alone. That's weird.

    Rule 03

    The route is fixed. Requests to reroute toward a rumored kitten will be denied in writing.

    Rule 04

    A sighting is a gift, not a refund. No sighting is the standard product and it is working as designed.

    Rule 05

    Do not knock. Do not pspsps. The committee has lost good people to pspsps.

    Rule 06

    Attendance will be taken. Attendance is the whole thing. Attendance is you.